November 3, 2024

 I felt bad today. On my second white Russian and feeling better. Feeling better knowing that God is a woman, and we are here for them they are not here for us. Also, elaine we should treat them as people but sex objects. Rake what we can get and fuck them without remorse//My programming was all wrong and it basically screwed up my life, my happiness and my sex life. Wendy, Jéssica, Carrie Ann then there Wendy Nd even jenny. I should have fucked them all. How was I to knob I wasn't supposed to treat them as people instead of plain pussy. I see and feel too much for kindness and the soul. Men who think nothing of women but something to fuck. Get to fuck a lot more than men who don't. Sad but true.  It's all Abou that book I talked about and thought about my entire life. That book is programming. I was programmed the wrong way. I blame my sister and my mother for their hatred of men and their power over men. Like I said there will never be equality. Women would never let it happen. They would lose too much. I now need to keep on writing. Keep on reading. Keep on not doing credit inquiries. or ask for credit increases. and keep working. My job is secure. Keep flirting with Pila though don't think it would ever happen. Not Christina either though I like her. And am jealous of Eslie talking to guys and never happening with Terra. I have no penis pain because drinking. Maybe Ater ll lean. take ut the trash. Maybe when I take a trip back east  i;; get a prostate. To touch a woman and see if mi impotent. Not sore if I will be at that time or not.

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