October 31, 2024

 I postponed my log today. Slept till afternoon. Did some poems in Erotic poem book II. Set up appointment for doctor Tomorow. Lots of dreams if my unconscious. Getting lost, losing my keys, moving back east. Walking the wrong way. Right now, all I have left is my job. paying my bills, my health issues and my writing. Hardships are exercising, losing weight, not drinking, not watching porn and smoking less. Realizing all our drugs Tio kill my physical pain and perhaps my depression. Continuing top update my wardrobe. No more jeans. Only pleated pants. Sadly, men can only wear or dress up so much compared to a woman. Another unfair advantage they have. They just keep piling up. How lucky they are and unlucky are we. They even have more confidence, and I can see why. They are the pickers, and we are the picked. This information continues to depress me. If only I had been modeled differently and this information had remained hidden how much happier I would be. I have everything I need and find myself done with my buying disorder except the need-to-need basics. Lots of clothes, lots of soup, Dreamed of mikes Mairyn Monroe short. Not surprised Marilyn Monroe was more intelligent than Weinstein. I think that men who beat woman see there inferior too them and feel the need to use their male strength to keep them under. Angry that God had given them the female so much and them the man so little. I can understand the lea lousy, the anger, the hate, the violence, the need to control and dominate. Is a goof Mattiace really working thing of with your parents or leaning how to accept the other's strengths and weaknesses. What bothers me is the lies and denials of writers and scientists who deny knowing what which like the need or desire for porn is. Of course, the answer is obvious. Women want to be idolized and fucked. Men are touch and sex deprived and get at teats the emotional feelings by watching porn and feeling there instead of the cold place left untouched of where they are. It is easier just to deny the answer then to admit that more people are not getting the sex they need or desire. As the respond that men resort to self-love and add to their impotency isn't really their fault if more women would be willing to have sex with them. Simply said. This wasn't where I intended to go through these thoughts were in my head.