October 29, 2024

 The day is done. Hospital visit, no results but some blood in urine. I feel like I shoulder apologies to God for thinking he is a woman and giving all that he gasses to the female and cutting the male short though it is true. Women say they dent owe us bit they feel we should owe them. The trick is being programmed to think of woman as objects sex objects, them benign beneath you are mainly here for your pleasure not human beings. Mot being needy or wanting of them. Then you can get all the pussy you wany ironically. For us who have had the wrong programming we are just plain screwed for life. The more | learn and understand the less hope I have, the more depressed I become. As I will probably never have a girlfriend or wife again. I will have to pay to kiss or touch a female body. Not out west have to go to Mexico for that where hopefully it will be cheaper. American girls are just too expensive. 

Thinking of leaving county. Going back to the neighborhood clinics. I wish I could turn off my desire for nice plump breasts, nice round asses, and shaved vagina's. It is so horrible that women do not know the gifts God gave them and the men hatred for men like we did something to them except ironically, they did it to us. I talked to Jeri, and it is better with Jimmy. Probably talked to much and felt very small like I usually do. Seemed to cap out at 12,000. On stories Think O need to take a break. Maybe write some more poetry. Going to the hospital though needed also seemed to be a nice break. Still thinking of paying with credit cards off. Changing wardrobe to pleated slack and plain color shirts. As a guy | really don't have much preference. Working on calling Unity shop. feel the need to write though i am not sure i want to start another story.