October 12, 2024 pm

 I feel it is now a necessity to write my journal. Applied for my passport. 6 keels. Worked with Fanya today. six figure income. I can't compete with that half my age. Even my redhead gene won't help. I feel I am just tunning out the clock since I was born a male. Bad programming. I can see it so much as I look back, I was doomed from the beginning. I'd been okay with a pussy but without I'm dead in the water. Gaining weight as well. I am writing at work and kills the boredom. The door knocked me very 5 minutes until Danile came very frustrating. I am ready to turn in the towel but must keep moving and yes i am already very tired. Can't imagine living until 94 like this. Passport for 10 years. Can't a imagine what I'll look like in 10 years. Maybe I can get me a girlfriend in Mexico. And seriously thinking of a prostitute so i can remember how feels to touch a woman, her breasts, her ass, and her pussy.  Dint feel like I really even need sex. Eat her poesy massage and touch her body. I know it is very sad to have to pay to be able to touch a woman. Which we could bring back arranged marriage and I had the money to buy a girlfriend or a wife. it's after all about the money nothing else. and the programming and yes you can blame your parents I do and my sister. Fuck her she got sex when she wanted it but stopped me from getting it, I hope she Eis happy. I actually am no longer part of her family. I look at porn to kill the pain or because of the pain I'm not sure which or to see those pretty asses and breasts and vaginas. What a horrible thing God did tom me and making me desire what I can never have. If I had apuses I would not have to worry about not having sex. That is what is so wrong.

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