Journal September 26, 2024

 I didn't write a journal yesterday I was too upset with Jimmy getting promoted over me again. Drank woke took a pill and went back to sleep. Got some Goodnews in the mail today. It was my new surge credit card. Seems they decided against canceling it after I told them to. And sent me a new card. Increases my credit and I loser only $400 with credit obedient really want to lose it back to $12000 in credit. Been taking a break from meditations except for Grieg affirmations. Hut the pretty hard last week. Feel the relationship between me and Jeri is changing. Drifting apart. Went to Robert about the means closet and got him motivated it seems. It was a mess. I'm sure he didn't like that. It's one of those days I really don't want to write here but other things and places. Like the other day. Taking a day off isn't really a good thing. One day gone is one day lost. Got my hair cut. More soup. ate a poor pie. burnt. Trying to look forward to Vegas. Taking 1 $1000 credit card with me. Only slots. Took a shower. Think I may have pulled a muscle in my arm. new crazy girl is really needed. Probably used to someone taking care of her. Starting to think it's possible that good is more feminine than masculine. I can see that they in fact could be more intelligent than men and we are here to take care of them and make them happy not the other way around. Perhaps the church fathers wrote the Genisis wrong. Or did in a way that men would feel they are more than they are. Men do seem to have a bigger or need for a bigger ego then topman. I mean they got everything else. why not.  New goal of saving $6500 a year. Not sure where to go with the mission or what anyone's plans are there for me. Jimmy, say they like me which actually a put down to even say that. Nobody ever says they don't like you. Being a bigger part of the team was also another put down like I was already a valuable part of the team and contributing member, Sometimes I think they are desperate for employees and will hire anyone. Degree people or people who won't want full time positions. Of course, all the nonprogram people had degrees like Jeri, Jacklyn except those who were graduates from the program. I have my own apartment and technically I can't leave Santa Barbara or California. Until I at least had my voucher or was offered a job and lodging or a job making enough to pay for my lodgings which is very unlikely. This in far could be my base. Again, I got bored. Distracted and did something else.

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