Journal 9-22-2024

 Is the third day. Mu last day of work. for the week. I'm out of vodka. My astray came. I find my cigarettes smoking comforting. My alcohol a way to get ready for my nap and after I wake up is a new day and I don't feel like drinking. Call me an alcoholic and by definition I am but it took me a long way to get here and it's not like I can't stop. at the moment I just don't want too., Started another story no sex yet less night. I am more than ready for my 2 days off. The first four were hell. I did a lot of work least night and dreamt a lot of tiring dreams. it seems like my subconscious was struggling and fighting new things even though the dreams weren't fighting dreams There was definitely a lot of struggles that I felt and very tiring. I felt tided in my dream and didn't wake up feeling rested at all. Listening to my new set of meditations is working very well as well as the writing therapy. Overtime these journals may not be as long I feel and well not exactly run out of things to say opt write. Therre will be times when I come up dry. I get paid Tuesday. Still my USAA bill is not due. All caught up with credit cards and my loan. I think I have about $4000 cash after paying off my dental loan and cashing out my 401k. True I am about $3000 in credit card debt. Another $3000 with my loan for a total of $6000 but 3 years ago it was quite a different story. Perhaps I wouldn't have qualified 3 years ago with my credit. I was just tired sand ready to go to Florida even though it was a mistaken it brought out the beginning of a lot of my books. Vegas is coming up and then Oceanside. I think after Oceanside or Vegas I will schedule my next trip which I am feeling today to be a sleep car train trip to Seattle. Fly back maybe issuing my Southwest points. Or take a train sleeper car to Chicago. St a few nights and fly back. todays that are what I'm thinking. Asked Pila to go bowling. Probably won't go. The Philippines is way too far. A trap to Acio Poco might be coming up next year as it would probably be cheaper than Hawaii and key west or The Bahamas. Herer I am running dry and am running out of things to write or say. Robin maybe coming up in my writing or even Missi. The of course Jenny and Wendy. Not Denise. Nice memories but no pain. I was such an idiot. Maybe not Wendy. Yes Jennifer Puttock. |Damn she got ugly. Its barely half a page and I'm running out of things to say. I'm so bored. I see my mind closing down and shutting off. What else is there to say. Denise does not like me and even was wondering why I was talking to her. A dead sign of disinterest. Christina crazy is hot for Hispanics. Miranda likes guys who use her and use her for her money. Pila is the only one who seems remotely interested in me and she seems well screwed up to say the least. Leslie is really hot except she doesn't seem interested at all either. It really seems like a wash up. really. This will be a short journal I am running out of stuff to say again which happens every few sentences. another week has gone by and I dent have anything new it reports except I have stopped yelling at the girls or making announcements.  Tody went much better then yesterday. I was so stressed about losing Christinna. Ill found out Tuesday about my check. Nothing does but $150 dollars rent. I'm basically bored. Maybe Vegas and getting my passport will be a good thing that and oceanside are my last events of the year. Not sure what will happen next year I really have no plans for it, and I'll be 57. Not buying anymore Kahlua. Time to go back to orange juice and cranberry juice. Got my black cherry candle replacement. Pla on taking a fresh $1000 dollar credit card to Vegas, can't cancel or change my oceanside reservation. The water temperature is definably warmer than Santa Barbara. Hate to think I'll be here for Christmas/ Maybe I'll fly to Vegas. depending if it's my days off or not don't want today off on Christmas or new year's if mi working.