(Anger Notes) -5-

 Jennifer

Jenny, my dearest Jenny. You were the first girl I kissed. The first girl I really loved. You taught me so much and yet I was so far beneath you in so many ways. Oh, how I loved kissing you from the first time at the party to the very last in the classroom. I still wanted you after the party ended. Looking at your necklace around your neck that was so old. You made me a sandwich at your house. I Saw you at friendly's with that nothing of a boy and wanted you still then with your head shaved. This isn't as much as about you as it is about me. You were more intelligent, more experience. In kissing dating, skiing. Intelligence. I took you to dinner at the burn bra theater to see name and you ignored me. Why were you so mad. Because the dating game was over and now we were just friends. No matter if I bought the tickets or not. You ignored me and avoided. That what was hurt the most. You were the only girl at that time that had gone after me. We were both writers. I am sorry i didn't do more. I was inexperienced. I don't understand how you could do what you did . Goi after what you did. Become what you become. Renne ray liked me on the trip to the skiing trip but I was still pinning after you. It was a time of pain and regret. I pinned after you after i graduated in the navy. I pinned years after writing poetry about you. I feel like I was such a fool. I could have touched but didn't know how. You taught me how to deep kiss but nothing elsse but p[ain and regret. How was i supposed to know I was supposed to know more. I was sheltered, imprisoned by my family. I felt I was so small uneducated so far out of your league. You played with me until you tired of me. Then perhaps was when I went more to fantasy. Maybe before, The memories I still have I wish would go away. I wish I could erase you from my mind and forget you forever like Im sure you forgot me. I was just a boy toy for the season. I wish I could turn it off like you did so easily. I will never forget seeing you in the band room and knowing you had gotten there late that day. That last kiss. Because you were trying to avoid me. I was so inexperienced in reading sign and hints. You couldn't just tell me you were no longer interested. In fact you never did. I doubt it wasn't because I didn't read your story or perhaps it was. My apologies. This is so hard writing about you and remembering every embarrassing thing. I was so small and stupid. I wish I could have been on your level, read the sign saw the hints. I was to small, to uneducated and too inexperienced/ i was a lost child. Not allowed to mature or grow naturally by my parents or family or sister. It really wasn't your fault it was more mine. I cannot blame you for not wanting me after that christmas. No matter how much I wanted you too. I don't blame you anymore. I just wish it could have been different. Your freckled breasts. You dark hair your strawberry flavored lips.