Ramble Writings

 Pfund out that Jonney and Miranda will probably hooking up soon. so sad his getting into her pants and not mine. Lots of fb videos on girls offering their pussies and bodes to complete strangers. Must be nice to have such power and choice. Men got so cheated at creation it's not even funny and we weren't even the first to sin. It's not fair at all. Oh, if only I was born with a pussy how my life would be different.  My penis pain persists. No passport I was declined. Had to take the chance. Decided I need to stay in California until I retire. It was a hard choice to make but needed. Since my social security benefits went up 50 percent in the last 3 years. So, I have no choice as I know I will get two raises a year. better than I can expect from any other job. I am seriously thinking of buying a boat when I retire and move back to Florida. Dock it at the Marina. I am looking at a $20,000-to-30,000-thousand-dollar boat. Right now, I am eligible for a $4000 loan.  The begin...

 Today was different. Feel like trazadone is helping. Want to my manicure and pedicure. Neck and shoulders massaged. It was great still feeling after glow. Havant written in two days. Jimmy texted about bug day/ He just can't let go. High on power trip. not looking forward to new changes. No more lazy days for me or running around. It's going to be definitely different. Not really looking forward to it. I am accepting that I will not get a girlfriend again. t is a pain I mut accept. I had the wrong programming and there is nothing I can do to change it. I have changed a lot and gotten a lot more of my original personality back, but it is not enough. Paod all my bills for the month except USA. Got unity shop set up and ordered from butcher's shop. We'll see how it works out. Going to do the spa at least every 4 weeks. Looking for launder services now. Mark is so undependable.

 I felt bad today. On my second white Russian and feeling better. Feeling better knowing that God is a woman, and we are here for them they are not here for us. Also, elaine we should treat them as people but sex objects. Rake what we can get and fuck them without remorse//My programming was all wrong and it basically screwed up my life, my happiness and my sex life. Wendy, Jéssica, Carrie Ann then there Wendy Nd even jenny. I should have fucked them all. How was I to knob I wasn't supposed to treat them as people instead of plain pussy. I see and feel too much for kindness and the soul. Men who think nothing of women but something to fuck. Get to fuck a lot more than men who don't. Sad but true.  It's all Abou that book I talked about and thought about my entire life. That book is programming. I was programmed the wrong way. I blame my sister and my mother for their hatred of men and their power over men. Like I said there will never be equality. Women would never let it h...

 2nd day of new month. misused yesterday. M not Woking on keyboard ordered new one. Decided not to ask for credit increased that result in a hard credit inquiry. Flirting incre4ased with \POlia. I can see warm feelings. gave Nail polish to Miranda. I am so often tired. Wondering if it's my heart or lungs. wonder if I'm dying. Am i worried. Not sire. Hate being tired all their time Lost the bookshop and can't seem to get the bus ridden main computer. So hot ion apartment. and cold going tp work/ I was hot working on bathrooms. Nit sure of things though surer of employment. trying to cook two dinners from medical/ No more porn. Cutting oat out. Too depressing. too much infer and wanting that nice pups' and breasts. Not really helping me. I am writing every day what someone meant be a true writer. even if |I lose what I am wooing. Am also trying to read every day. Though it's a harder habit to come by. Lost the bookshop story but stated again with the character. Might ...